Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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