Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
