Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
