Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
