ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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