I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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