Three words: puerto rican gang bang
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
