Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I will pee on everything he values.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
