How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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