I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
