I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
