Fuck appropriateness.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
