How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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