You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i used baking grease as lip gloss
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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