i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
