i was born a porn star she said
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
