I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
