I want to walk on stilts...naked
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Alive.
So much puke
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
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