And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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