I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
i dont even know how to be here
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
