im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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