the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
