I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I have fence marks all over my body
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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