it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
