i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
