Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
