Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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