2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
