I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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