we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
