Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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