i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
