Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
