My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
they need to just BURY HIM!
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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