I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
