like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
