you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
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