Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
