He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
