Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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