oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
