I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
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