Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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