For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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