Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
