Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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