Its about making memories worth repressing
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Drunk is not a location!
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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