Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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