In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
