at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
