God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
only you would photoshop your dick
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
